i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
