oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
