i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
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