where am i from again
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
