just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?