so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
