Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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