Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
