And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
