a queef is a wish your heart makes.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
