I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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