I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
