So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
