She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
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