he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
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Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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