and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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