The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
