remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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