I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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