I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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