My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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