Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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