Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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