i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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