so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
