dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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