Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
