I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize