i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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