lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.