I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
