It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
21 Of The Most Regrettable Tattoo Ideas Ever
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.