I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
