$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
