She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
