I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
