I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos