gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same