if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i only shaved half my leg
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.