I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I just want to make out with him forever
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet