Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."