im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer