he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?