i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.