you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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