I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
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i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
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I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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