Betty ford says i'm here all night
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
