apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Randomize
