If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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