i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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