somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Randomize
