Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
