when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Sorry about my life...
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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