Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
