when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
