Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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