Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
My vagina is officially offended.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Randomize
