He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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