He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
