She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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