She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
