We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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