the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
