so that wasnt chicken after all
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
