Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
