This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
