I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
