So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize