I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
