How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Sex with a fat chick.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw