i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
