i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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