Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
So many bounce houses so little time
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
wow bdsm is so cute
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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