Swine flu. Run for my life!
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
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