guys are only as good as the porn they watch
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....