went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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