Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
