I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
